Seattle, Washington Glamorous Celebrities Attacked by Bears

I should be working right now. I have a cell phone game spec due tomorrow. I could finish it in an hour. Two tops. And yet here I sit in Minnie’s on First and Denny. I spent the last hour playing Sudoku puzzles and the hour before that reading Neil Gaiman’s biography of Douglas Adams that I just picked up at a secondhand bookshop.

It was somewhat bolstering to read of his legendary feats of laziness. During production on the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy radio series, he did, on some occasions, find himself writing the end of an episode while the beginning was being broadcast.

Minnie’s has appallingly bad service. I come here in part because it’s one of only four all-night diner’s I know of in the city, but the main reason is to see which cardinal rule of food service they’ll flagrantly ignore next.

One night I came here to “work” and asked for a particular table near a wall socket. I was told I couldn’t sit there because the waitress didn’t want to have to walk that far.

Another night, a waitress approached me with slurred speech and asked how my soup was. She then turned to another table and apologized to them for having bothered me, then fled the establishment in shame.

Tonight my waitress decided to sit at the table next to me and read the paper. A colleague approached her to describe in blaring, goose-like syllables the fabulous make-out session she had with some chick at a Halloween party last night. I read the same page about Adams’ aimless college career four times before submitting to her bullhorn narrative. It surprised even me how not-interested I was in her lesbian antics. I had to order another bowl of soup to lure her away so she’d finish her story elsewhere.

Three homeless guys just came in trying to sell a pre-carved pumpkin. I’m not saying they stole it off someone’s porch, but, well…yeah, I am. The waiter declined the pumpkin, but didn’t think twice about letting them peddle to every table.

Now the entire staff is watching Family Guy in back.

In high school, I would’ve thought this place was the coolest. These days, the best thing I can say about it is it’s open.

Pictures are more interesting to look at than words. Since losing my third digital camera within a year, I am once again unable to create them. As a result, my recent posts have tended to be long, boring spans of text. In an effort to remedy that, here’s me in my costume with accompanying inspiration:

Halloween_costume_1 051021_delaymug_ex_4

I don’t think I’ve posted a picture with me in it for ages. I do this now as a courtesy, because I like to know what the person whose text I’m reading looks like. It allows me to create some snap judgments about the author and decide whether to stop reading immediately – after all, who wants to read about a guy with a big mole on his nose, right?

So there you go. If you have an aversion to stiff-looking white guys, read no further…although, I suppose the cat’s pretty much out of the bag already on what I look like.

…Another hour and still nothing on the game spec. I read about Brad and Angelina getting attacked by bears, but am no closer to my next life-sustaining paycheck.

Cars should have more than one horn. There needs to be a “Sorry, that was my fault” button. I would use that way more than the regular one. There also needs to be a “Hello there, person who I know” button. And for the regular horn, I’d like to further differentiate “You nearly killed me, you jackass!” from “You’re ABOUT to kill me, you jackass!”

So four horns in total. Someone please get on that.

There are some big things brewing that I’d really like to talk about and have been wanting to for a while. It’s agony, because I’m trying to adhere to a weekly entry, and every week I’m closer to being able to talk about this thing that I’m not talking about, yet still I am not quite there.

Maybe next week.

…I think I’ll do some more Sudoku puzzles…

7 Responses to Seattle, Washington Glamorous Celebrities Attacked by Bears

  1. Rich

    Hey, things are new and improved!

    I tried to type yesterday and the comments didn’t work, so let’s hope today is better.

    Great costume, very creative..

    I like the different horn ideas. For “sorry that’s my fault” I ususally just shield my eyes with my hand and cower a bit. I think people get it..

  2. Cara Forshaw

    Your site looks great, I love how you changed it. Also I would buy that horn.

    Props to you.

    Love Cara

  3. Jessica Hines

    Hey Matt
    My two year old son loves the dancing man film. You have taken over from Noddy, Fifi and the Flowertots and Pingu as viewing of choice.
    Getting me to put your film on and practacing burping are the two top things on his life agenda.
    Now you can retire happy!
    Jess

  4. Sophie

    Ever cut a guy off and get the honk and angry faces/ inappropriate gestures? Just wave back like you recognize them- “Hey YOU! YOU its so GREAT to see you!!” It makes them twice as angry, but just shocked enough to not know how to respond. They spend the rest of the drive home going “Well now i didn’t mean it like that! That **** cut me off!”

  5. dkella

    BAN MINNIES!
    BAN the 13 Coins too.

    Did you know that Palace Kitchen and Brasa serve late? And there are rumors of a new French Bistro up in Madrona that supports the late-night consumption of frites. Is there anything wrong with that?

    But, there is just something so luridly tempting about the siren call of the tepid tomato basil soup at Minnies.

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